RUDE TIME STOPPER SERIES

Often, such power imbalance can be changed. People cede power unnecessarily when they allow another individual to make them miserable or undermine their work. Rebalance - Adjust the other personвЂ™s power. When in doubt about a personвЂ™s intention, one sensible approach is to check your perceptions by querying them before reacting negatively: вЂњWould you clarify for me what you meant just then?вЂќ вЂњSurely thereвЂ™s another way to say thatвЂќ or вЂњDid you mean what I think I heard?вЂќ are useful ways to encourage a person to reconsider and alter what was said. At such times, itвЂ™s useful to employ one of my favorite strategies:В Give them a chance to do the right thing. Anyone can inadvertently give offense or spark disagreement. Restate - Clarify or redirect negative wording. If the people involved in a conversation have a previous history of positive interactions, it can help to remind them of past success and their ability to find common ground: вЂњWe have a good track record working together. Revisit - Use an earlier success to redefine a current failure. Should someone accuse you of having come on too strongly in a meeting, you might reply, вЂњI was passionate.вЂќ If youвЂ™re described as stubborn, you could say, вЂњIвЂ™m very determined when something is important to a successful effort.вЂќ Rather than let inaccurate or offensive words pass, suggest replacements. Rephrase - Say the words in a different, less negative way. If someone says, вЂњI donвЂ™t want to fight about this,вЂќ a useful reframe of that comment is, вЂњThis is a debate, certainly not a fight. Describe the other personвЂ™s words or actions in a way that behooves future interactions. Reframe - Cast the issue in a different light. When responding to a potentially negative situation, facility with them can help avoid damage to an important relationship or disarm a threat to your credibility: The following вЂњR-ListвЂќ of categorized tactics can help you do just that. Whether you are new to stretching your comeback repertoire or an experienced hand, itвЂ™s useful to have various responses readily available. You might even be able to prevent such situations from happening to you in the future by selecting an effective response shortly after the initial offense -В a response that causes the offending person to think twice next time. Should you let it pass? Hold a grudge? Never trust that person again? Address the situation directly? With a repertoire of responses, you have options. What if a person tells you one thing, butВ then you hear that he or she said something quite different to others? This isnвЂ™t uncommon in highly politicized organizations.

RUDE TIME STOPPER SERIES

You and Your Team Series Difficult Conversations ItвЂ™s important to know effective ways of responding to tough situations. Highly political work arenas require a degree of street smarts to survive and thrive. Such skill is especially important in harsh political climates where what is said is often not what is meant. In this way, instead of becoming victimized by habitual patterns, we become arbiters of what happens to us. For example, itвЂ™s possible to learn to treat some rude questions as objective queries, find some element of logic in a seemingly ridiculous comment, or respond to an insult as though it were accidental. ThatвЂ™s not good!Д«utВ if we have a repertoire of replies and comebacks at our fingertips, we can opt out of predictable patterns. You abdicate a portion of your 75% responsibility. If you are known for a tendency to avoid conflict, for example, others can generate conditions that will cause you to pull back, apologize, or walk away. But when we slip into patterns solely because weвЂ™ve failed to develop other response choices, we become predictable. WeвЂ™re all creatures of habit, and communication patterns help us avoid having to think about everything we utter. Their behavior has invited more than a reflexive answer.

However, if that person were to stop and look you in the eye when asking the same question, your options change. By continuing to walk past, the person signals that only a nod or brief reply is expected. For example, if someone asks, вЂњHow are you?вЂќ as he or she walks by, you know better than to turn around and walk with them in order to provide an extensive answer. Our verbal and nonverbal actions limit or expand the options of others. Every person is at least 75% responsible for how others treat them.

Rude time stopper